"I'm trying VERY hard not to be overwhelmed. I can't even organize my
thoughts right now..." is what I wrote to my best friend this morning during our almost daily chat. We text, we message, we banter. I'm so lucky to have her. She brings me sanity even though all she usually has to say is "zip it!" (that's such a lie, but our conversations are personal, i.e. none of your beeswax)
Right now I need to unzip it. Purge all that is in my mind and get it out of the way. I need to focus, I need to work, I need to... what was I talking about again?
Ugh.
So I got a job. The exact job that I've been envisioning for a year; work from home (well wherever I am really), flexible schedule that pays enough to provide for my children, . I kept saying to myself and others "I just need one more Shorty." Well yesterday I got four more.
I could and probably should rehash all of my stressors right now but I'm too tired. Purging them from my mind is a good idea. My good ideas just aren't cooperating with my mind and fingertips today. To Do list is a good place to start, problem is it's SO long that it just reinforces feeling overwhelmed especially when the To Do List begins with
1. pay rent
2. buy....
F**k! (I wish that was on my to do list, but no, that's an exclamation) The phone is ringing. Just answer it Julie. He wants to come by and drop off a few things while he's in my area. I decline because I have raccoon eyes and am still in my Spongebob PJs. He says "I've seen you when you've been frazzled and going about life before"; no, no he hasn't, not like this.
Magic, yeah magic. That's what I need right now; magic and a miracle. Maybe I'll win the lottery tonight....? Sure Julie, way to keep from focusing. I can't get my morning shower until I talk to my postal delivery person.... I'll try not to cuss.
Ex-husband calls and an impromptu lesson on how to be a good dad transpires. I don't have time for this, but when opportunities arise where he is open to hearing my advice, I take them. It can only benefit the relationship between him and our children. This is an unscheduled interruption but is important. He's needed a lot of guidance as a dad while raising these kids and ultimately, we are on the same team. It's hard to see that a lot of the time, but on the rare opportunities where he can hear me, I grasp it and embrace it.
11:00 am - stop blogging Julie!!!
1:30 pm - okay, I'm back... but what have I accomplished? Let's see, I took my sit-down-shower (aptly named by my first husband cause I love baths but hate sitting in bathwater), I got dressed. Raccoon eyes replaced with bare but clean face, ponytail and whatever tshirt and pants were clean. It's clear I have no desire to impress anyone on a daily basis.
Went shopping to buy my daughter the items she needs to compete in this pageant as time is closing in on us quickly and, although paying bills is important, this is more important. She needs a wardrobe. Our small community is very modest (not that my daughter isn't, jeez Julie!) so an appropriate wardrobe is necessary and not only for after she is crowned (yeah, I'm being optimistic) but in events leading up to the pageant over the next two weeks starting tomorrow. Luckily she can wear my shoes; this is not a play on words, she can.
Phone rings again and I have no choice but to answer. Little man is double booked now for two days next week. It's busy season and, if you know how tough the Hollywood biz is, you just ride the wave. Turning down castings is okay, you never turn down work. This is where I have to pause and be grateful for his success, a great agent and hard-working manager. Blessed, yes we are.
It's almost time to pick up kids from school. What have I accomplished today? Oh yeah, I got dressed.
Forget that it's my birthday in three days. I don't have time for all the plans that are being thrown my way. Yeah that tall, handsome, intellectually-geeky guy who I've been wanting to see all month wants to take me out for dinner tomorrow night. Right now, I could care less. My friends are amazing and trying to get me to dinner by five o'clock on Sunday... it's stressing me out but is so very needed. I have nothing to wear. More distractions.
Right now I need to unzip it. Purge all that is in my mind and get it out of the way. I need to focus, I need to work, I need to... what was I talking about again?
Ugh.
So I got a job. The exact job that I've been envisioning for a year; work from home (well wherever I am really), flexible schedule that pays enough to provide for my children, . I kept saying to myself and others "I just need one more Shorty." Well yesterday I got four more.
I could and probably should rehash all of my stressors right now but I'm too tired. Purging them from my mind is a good idea. My good ideas just aren't cooperating with my mind and fingertips today. To Do list is a good place to start, problem is it's SO long that it just reinforces feeling overwhelmed especially when the To Do List begins with
1. pay rent
2. buy....
F**k! (I wish that was on my to do list, but no, that's an exclamation) The phone is ringing. Just answer it Julie. He wants to come by and drop off a few things while he's in my area. I decline because I have raccoon eyes and am still in my Spongebob PJs. He says "I've seen you when you've been frazzled and going about life before"; no, no he hasn't, not like this.
Magic, yeah magic. That's what I need right now; magic and a miracle. Maybe I'll win the lottery tonight....? Sure Julie, way to keep from focusing. I can't get my morning shower until I talk to my postal delivery person.... I'll try not to cuss.
Ex-husband calls and an impromptu lesson on how to be a good dad transpires. I don't have time for this, but when opportunities arise where he is open to hearing my advice, I take them. It can only benefit the relationship between him and our children. This is an unscheduled interruption but is important. He's needed a lot of guidance as a dad while raising these kids and ultimately, we are on the same team. It's hard to see that a lot of the time, but on the rare opportunities where he can hear me, I grasp it and embrace it.
11:00 am - stop blogging Julie!!!
1:30 pm - okay, I'm back... but what have I accomplished? Let's see, I took my sit-down-shower (aptly named by my first husband cause I love baths but hate sitting in bathwater), I got dressed. Raccoon eyes replaced with bare but clean face, ponytail and whatever tshirt and pants were clean. It's clear I have no desire to impress anyone on a daily basis.
Went shopping to buy my daughter the items she needs to compete in this pageant as time is closing in on us quickly and, although paying bills is important, this is more important. She needs a wardrobe. Our small community is very modest (not that my daughter isn't, jeez Julie!) so an appropriate wardrobe is necessary and not only for after she is crowned (yeah, I'm being optimistic) but in events leading up to the pageant over the next two weeks starting tomorrow. Luckily she can wear my shoes; this is not a play on words, she can.
It's almost time to pick up kids from school. What have I accomplished today? Oh yeah, I got dressed.
Forget that it's my birthday in three days. I don't have time for all the plans that are being thrown my way. Yeah that tall, handsome, intellectually-geeky guy who I've been wanting to see all month wants to take me out for dinner tomorrow night. Right now, I could care less. My friends are amazing and trying to get me to dinner by five o'clock on Sunday... it's stressing me out but is so very needed. I have nothing to wear. More distractions.
All I really want to do is go buy the medicated lotion for my eczema since the breakout on my arms is getting bad. So off to the post office again to find out WHERE the hell my mail is?! No one there cares that the support check that's gone missing is actually used to "support" my children. Homelessness really isn't a viable option... where will I put all my shoes?
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