So many thoughts, so little time...

Weird day and I've written five different blogs in my head, all while driving...

My head is spinning from the events of today.  From a post on Facebook from a seemingly inexperienced rescuer dealing with her first bought of parvovirus which lead me down memory lane to think about the end of my rescuing days... the ten thousand dollars needed to save them, NBC calling for interviews, dogs dying, the stench and the end of my eleven year marriage and closure of my non-profit dog rescue.  I'm not up to blogging about that tonight... I'm not ready to face that pain and those memories yet.  If this teaser has you wanting to know more, until I'm ready to write, you can still find this news online.

I write about parenting an awful lot and will leave my comments inside my head about the murder of two young children by the nanny.  I have strong opinions and sometimes it's best to keep those opinions to myself.

I also got an inquiry for an adoption listing I've had online for at least four years.  Our two-legged, human aggressive, paralyzed Chorkie named Sally Scooter has a wonderful couple interested in giving her a home; they sound great so far but if I'm doing my job well I will talk them out of adopting her with all of her incontinence, chronic infections, her fungus, her poor coat and the stench that is ever-present by having her in my care.  I've done this song and dance with six hundred dogs and it's the way I've always done rescue. If the home isn't better than the current foster care its in, then the dog doesn't leave.  With a six percent return rate on adoptions over the past eight years I think my system speaks for itself.

"Motherhood has a very humanizing effect.  Everything gets reduced to essentials." ~Meryl Streep

Report cards arrived today too and I don't think those are supposed to read alphabetically so when I got to D I had to put on my mother-knows-best hat and think. 

"Dream big."  It's my fault.  I'm the one who made the house rules.  Teenage boy who wants to play ball for Duke or USC, teenage girl who wants to be a surgeon, ten year old boy who's already a successful model, competitive dancer and has his sights set on Julliard. 

The after school, prior to pickup, text to the teens stated simply "no football, no one life, no fifth quarter" (church youth group activities) "I'll be there at 3."  They had their defense ready.  They fought like any good trial attorney. The judge, jury and trial took place and the verdict was in.

I didn't get upset with them. I actually stayed quite positive and calm.  I called all three into the living room and told them to take their seats as I stood in front of them and prepared my public speaking assignment to my small, intimate audience.

I started off with the positives, continued with an explanation of our responsibilities to one another as a family unit, defined family, told them each how proud I am of their accomplishments thus far.  Then went on to further explain about my circumstances and how it lead to the place we sat today; in a 900 square foot home with one child at the dining room table, one on the couch and one sitting on a twin mattress, yet none of us were more than six feet away from one another.  I continued explaining the stresses and strains that I face in my never-ending goal to keep a roof over their heads, food in their belly and working as hard, fast and as much as I can to provide the minimal amount of things I am to provide.

The speech ended with individualized attention, praise and critiques and a reminder that my job is to help them reach each of their stated goals. I reminded them that at any given time they could inform me that they're okay living a life as we are, that a spatula feels just fine in the palm of their hand, and that a rake can replace a desk with one small decision.  I made it clear that my goals for them were not to walk around (in my best haughty-taughty voice I could muster) than "my son is a lawyer and my daughter is a doctor" and that their dreams have nothing to do with my ego.  I tearfully explained to them that all I want to see, in thirty years when they're my age, is that they have intact family units, with happy marriages and well cared for children.

I did also take a moment to give them the "When I was your age..." lecture.  That turned into more of a monologue as I retold of my childhood.  By the time I was done I had tears welling up in my eyes and my kids learned a few things about me - things I'd told them before, but things that took until this moment to sink in. I just remember ending with "...I would have given anything to have her home with me instead of all the things I was given because they both worked."  

I'm not sure if anything was accomplished with this other than clear boundaries, expectations and consequences spelled out in no uncertain terms.

All of our family meetings end with my apologies to my children and the advice to "choose better than I have." I'm learning this too, finally.

"Mother is a verb, not a noun." ~Proverb

 


Lonely was the song I sang
'Til the day you came  
Showing me another way  
And all that my love can bring

Your faith is strong, but I can only fall short for so long  
Down the road, later on  
You will hate that I never gave more to you