From as young as I can remember, I felt a sensitivity to racial slurs, homophobia, broken homes, discrimination, and bigotry. I had an aunt with one leg, my mom's mom had an ethnically ambiguous child out of wedlock and that (to the best of my knowledge) resulted in my grandparents getting divorced; we were disowned by the same woman for showing loyalty to her former spouse, my grandpa. I had a loud-mouthed, vulgar drunk uncle and another uncle who was a bigot who ironically had a daughter who was a lesbian.
“Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation.”~Henry Ward Beecher
Being exposed to what I was at such a young, impressionable age I suppose you go one way or the other. All I know is the first time I heard my grandfather utter the word "nigger" I looked at my parents, questioning... Somehow, although I didn't know what it meant, it didn't feel right sinking into my young mind and I recall feeling sick to my stomach over it.
In contrast to this, I lack patience for people who whine and complain about their circumstances. Just today I typed, for God knows what exponential time, "Find me an excuse I HAVEN'T lived through and I'll find the urgency to help these folks shirk their responsibilities." If anyone knows that 'shit happens' it's me.
So does my intolerance and impatience for individuals who cry out for help make me lack compassion?
"Will you post this request for funds to help my friend whose dog has (insert urgent medical problem)?"
"Will you crosspost and network this dog who needs a home cause its owners have 72 hours to move? Otherwise it's going to the shelter and you KNOW what will happen."
"Will you donate food to this family?"
Can you give this? Will you do that? May I ask for your help?
It makes me question if I actually do have or if I lack compassion..?
"A man must be both stupid and uncharitable who believes there is no virtue or truth but on his own side." ~ Joseph Addison (Had to take a few hours to ponder this one)
I am willing to give of my time, my experience, my knowledge. I am willing to help friends and strangers. As many hours as it might take with as much advice is needed. I am driven by beliefs to advocate for others. So I sit, puzzled, feeling like a walking contradiction.
But am I?
I truly don't believe that it is my place to judge others. It certainly never occurred to me, even from a very young age, to look at people differently due to religion (my two early childhood best friends were Mormon and Jewish while I was being raised Catholic). It never occurred to me that there was anything different about kids with different color skin, hair color, shape of eyes or who spoke different languages (until I was forced to by being made fun of for choosing an Asian boy as my dance partner in the third grade). It never occurred to me not to accept a marriage proposal and become engaged to a paraplegic man.
So why do I find it appropriate to judge others who don't have the same beliefs, ethics and morals that I do? Or am I judging them? This is where I struggle. It frustrates the hell out of me (and I have 4000 unread emails to back up this frustration) when someone, publicly, succumbs to placing their dire circumstances onto others' shoulders. I don't know if I'm sitting in judgment so much as the fact that I've already faced, lived with and conquered these things already:
"I'm pregnant with twins. The dog must go." Ummmm?"My dogs don't get along - 24 hours til this one goes to the shelter." Ummmm?
"I'm losing my home." Ummmm?
"...getting divorced." Ummmm?
"Had a stroke." Ummmm?
"Can barely afford..." Ummmm?
"Post traumatic stress disorder..."
"(relative) dying of cancer."
Am I allowed to have an opinion on situations I've faced myself? Sure I can HAVE an opinion. I can even voice that opinion. I can also be ignored. Is it "evil" to give up your pet? Is it evil to ask others to pay for your choices? I don't know about evil, other than the likely result of a dog dying in a shelter. Is it my place to 'judge' these individuals for wanting to dump their 'urgent' problems on someone else (me)?
I watch day after day people spouting their beliefs as I spout mine from my tiny soapbox. I'm not sure where I learned compassion and tolerance as it seems my childhood was sprinkled with quite the opposite. I'm not sure when I became so intolerant of people shirking their responsibilities. I do know that I loathe when I read or hear people who discount the abilities of the disabled, question the sanctity of a committed relationship between two people no matter their genders, people who discriminate against others even when they claim they're just joking. There's nothing funny about bigotry, racism or discrimination. There's nothing acceptable about intolerance of other human beings.
But is it okay to be intolerant of others behaviors and choices? I think so, when they're trying to dump it into someone else's lap.
I think what I'm trying to get at is that I believe that human beings should never be judged for who they are, but they can be by their actions and choices especially when they try to, in my opinion, threaten others with the results of their choices leading up to their "emergency."
Idioms such as "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" and "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" hit home with me. You can give someone the opportunity to learn something, but you can never force him to accept that opportunity.
I guess, in kind, you cannot prevent, prohibit or change the minds of people who aren't accepting of people who they deem different, sinners or less-worthy. I guess if I truly want to claim that I am "compassionate" I must find it in my heart to accept those whose behaviors I don't agree with and whose beliefs clash with mine. For aren't they suffering too?
“Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.”~Douglas Adams
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