Where shall I begin? Where do you begin when you can't even grasp your own thoughts? I'm spinning, exhausted, paralyzed by what I need to do but can't sleep until I at least write my "to-do" list... or carry over today's to-dos on to tomorrow's list.
Toodaloo to today right? First off it was NOT a bad day, not at all, a very good day in fact. Lots accomplished and only one temper tantrum from me (so we lost a coffee cup in the process, luckily I bought it at the dollar store). The worst thing about my temper tantrums is that it requires me to clean up my mess - like I don't have enough to do already. Apologies were made, quickly, as always.
Having a daughter, many times I wonder if I'm a good example of a "healthy woman"... okay, okay stop laughing. I genuinely worry about the example I am giving to my only female progeny and the fact that we're not an intact, two-parent family in which to balance the load of things we must accomplish as a family each day.
Riiight... I have over 2700 unread emails in my inbox (and that's only in one account). I always search for manager's, agent's, coach's, schools' and dance director's emails first so as not to miss anything important. Boss comes next then the ex-husband. If there's time I go through rescue emails, but today I didn't find the time nor the strength to face someone who "urgently needs a home for their pit bull cause they're moving tomorrow."
So I got an email that I was approved to list myself on a self-help website as an "expert on the lifestyle forum" as an expert in "lifestyle as mother and advocate" (they'd better not read this blog). Then comes an email invitation to "appear as a guest on a tv show" and, shoot me in the head, I made the mistake of looking into publishing houses and apparently those house large pools of telemarketers who call me every hour on the hour. I'll learn.
Morning started out without a shower, as is usually the case with early casting call times. Off to LA by 7am but we got two auditions in and gas prices were a little (two cents) lower than normal. √
Attempt to rescue pit bull that is stopping traffic and standing in the street (cause no one else would get out of their cars) √
Got back in time to pick daughter early from school whose entire class apparently came down with the stomach flu but not in time for her to rest, just in time to rush home, do her makeup and hair for a photoshoot at 3pm for the local newspaper. √
Rush over to pick up third child to get him to one-on-one basketball tournament but he's not out in front of the school like I asked him to. I've told him an hundred times "you're not there, you can walk" and rush the other son over to dance class because he's already late. √
Out of guilt, I rush back to previous son to pick him up to get him to his tournament just in time √
Get ill-feeling daughter back home with instructions to write her bio and secure her sponsor's information for the brochure which has a deadline of today. √
Get phone call from said sponsor and thank him profusely for choosing to sponsor my daughter while explaining all the benefits of his tax-deductible donation and touting the efforts of the organization to which he is contributing √
Rush back to pick up first son to learn that "he won every game" in his tournament √
Chase our deaf hundred pound dog down the street cause someone didn't close the gate behind them (it was ONLY half a mile) √
Sit, breathe and begin answering emails and getting back to agent, manager, pageant coordinator and dance director. √
Oh yeah, and I have to call the postal inspector to report that my mail is being stolen and am in denial about the freak out I will have if my support check was stolen today while I was in Hollywood. Is it five o'clock yet? No *phew* Complaint confirmation written on a two-dollar bill in lip liner. √
Run over to pick up youngest son from dance team to find the class being disciplined for talking too much and not paying attention (said punishment was one minute straight of six steps). √
Home again... what's for dinner? I know! "It's eat-whatever-you-want night." *cheers all around* √
I need to at least text, if not call, back the men who bother to send me "hope you're having a great day" texts and other sweet, endearing sentiments as I'm trying to navigate the freeways and streets of Los Angeles. No time to reply during the day as I was lost and on the phone with son's manager trying to get to auditions on time and get the hell out of that area before traffic.
My feet stink, I'm tired but I can't go to bed yet. Must purge thoughts in my blog, must make sure I hear about everyone's day, must apologize again, must take my morning shower. I go in to talk to oldest son. He's asleep - first round of tears. I go in to talk to daughter and apologize again for losing my cool and explain that I'm stressed. She says she is too - second round of tears. Youngest son is hungry and I give permission to have a late night snack an hour after his bedtime - heavy sigh.
It's days like these that I wonder what I'm doing. Does my daughter NEED to be the "Miss" of our community? Does my son NEED to commit to every job he's requested for? Does my oldest son really NEED to participate on the travel team for basketball?
Who wouldn't want to give her the world????
- third round of tears.
Sleep deprivation from insomnia doesn't help. I've had sleep issues as long as I can remember and thank goodness I'm able to function on four to five hours a night, but I swear to myself every day "I'll get to bed by 10pm, I'll get to bed by 10pm, I'll get to bed by 10pm"; the only way that's gonna happen is if I move my clocks back. Sadly, I've passed those genes on to my daughter. Nightly we argue about her going to bed late, nightly I lecture her on the need of a good night's sleep, nightly my behavior tells her "do as I say, not as I do." *sigh*
As I'm wrapping up this blog, my daughter says from her room "Can you tell the dogs to be quiet mom?" as I look in our tiny living room at three sleeping creatures and say "Darling, I can't tell the neighborhood dogs to be quiet." Then a text comes in from one of the suitors "HELLO?" Ummm, yeah....
Toodaloo to today right? First off it was NOT a bad day, not at all, a very good day in fact. Lots accomplished and only one temper tantrum from me (so we lost a coffee cup in the process, luckily I bought it at the dollar store). The worst thing about my temper tantrums is that it requires me to clean up my mess - like I don't have enough to do already. Apologies were made, quickly, as always.
Having a daughter, many times I wonder if I'm a good example of a "healthy woman"... okay, okay stop laughing. I genuinely worry about the example I am giving to my only female progeny and the fact that we're not an intact, two-parent family in which to balance the load of things we must accomplish as a family each day.
So I got an email that I was approved to list myself on a self-help website as an "expert on the lifestyle forum" as an expert in "lifestyle as mother and advocate" (they'd better not read this blog). Then comes an email invitation to "appear as a guest on a tv show" and, shoot me in the head, I made the mistake of looking into publishing houses and apparently those house large pools of telemarketers who call me every hour on the hour. I'll learn.
Morning started out without a shower, as is usually the case with early casting call times. Off to LA by 7am but we got two auditions in and gas prices were a little (two cents) lower than normal. √
Attempt to rescue pit bull that is stopping traffic and standing in the street (cause no one else would get out of their cars) √
Got back in time to pick daughter early from school whose entire class apparently came down with the stomach flu but not in time for her to rest, just in time to rush home, do her makeup and hair for a photoshoot at 3pm for the local newspaper. √
Rush over to pick up third child to get him to one-on-one basketball tournament but he's not out in front of the school like I asked him to. I've told him an hundred times "you're not there, you can walk" and rush the other son over to dance class because he's already late. √
Out of guilt, I rush back to previous son to pick him up to get him to his tournament just in time √
Get ill-feeling daughter back home with instructions to write her bio and secure her sponsor's information for the brochure which has a deadline of today. √
Get phone call from said sponsor and thank him profusely for choosing to sponsor my daughter while explaining all the benefits of his tax-deductible donation and touting the efforts of the organization to which he is contributing √
Rush back to pick up first son to learn that "he won every game" in his tournament √
Chase our deaf hundred pound dog down the street cause someone didn't close the gate behind them (it was ONLY half a mile) √
Sit, breathe and begin answering emails and getting back to agent, manager, pageant coordinator and dance director. √
Oh yeah, and I have to call the postal inspector to report that my mail is being stolen and am in denial about the freak out I will have if my support check was stolen today while I was in Hollywood. Is it five o'clock yet? No *phew* Complaint confirmation written on a two-dollar bill in lip liner. √
Run over to pick up youngest son from dance team to find the class being disciplined for talking too much and not paying attention (said punishment was one minute straight of six steps). √
Home again... what's for dinner? I know! "It's eat-whatever-you-want night." *cheers all around* √
I need to at least text, if not call, back the men who bother to send me "hope you're having a great day" texts and other sweet, endearing sentiments as I'm trying to navigate the freeways and streets of Los Angeles. No time to reply during the day as I was lost and on the phone with son's manager trying to get to auditions on time and get the hell out of that area before traffic.
My feet stink, I'm tired but I can't go to bed yet. Must purge thoughts in my blog, must make sure I hear about everyone's day, must apologize again, must take my morning shower. I go in to talk to oldest son. He's asleep - first round of tears. I go in to talk to daughter and apologize again for losing my cool and explain that I'm stressed. She says she is too - second round of tears. Youngest son is hungry and I give permission to have a late night snack an hour after his bedtime - heavy sigh.
It's days like these that I wonder what I'm doing. Does my daughter NEED to be the "Miss" of our community? Does my son NEED to commit to every job he's requested for? Does my oldest son really NEED to participate on the travel team for basketball?
I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me
Sleep deprivation from insomnia doesn't help. I've had sleep issues as long as I can remember and thank goodness I'm able to function on four to five hours a night, but I swear to myself every day "I'll get to bed by 10pm, I'll get to bed by 10pm, I'll get to bed by 10pm"; the only way that's gonna happen is if I move my clocks back. Sadly, I've passed those genes on to my daughter. Nightly we argue about her going to bed late, nightly I lecture her on the need of a good night's sleep, nightly my behavior tells her "do as I say, not as I do." *sigh*
As I'm wrapping up this blog, my daughter says from her room "Can you tell the dogs to be quiet mom?" as I look in our tiny living room at three sleeping creatures and say "Darling, I can't tell the neighborhood dogs to be quiet." Then a text comes in from one of the suitors "HELLO?" Ummm, yeah....
I just woke up and read this. I must now return to my bed, exhausted after reading your adventures.
ReplyDelete