I've blogged previously about my therapy that "cured" me of my perfectionism in my habits; house cleaning, raising children, etc. If you haven't read that one it's called Rivers and Rain.
Taking on the assignment of Hollywood Autism & Parenting Examiner brought upon the realization that I'm still a perfectionist. Like a large mirror in a small lobby that you can't avoid, it hit me that I still want, need and obsess over these matters. I started freelance writing not quite a week ago and have submitted five articles on which the staff of the Examiner provides you feedback, for self-improvement purposes, but you also receive ratings. So far I'm doing pretty well and the feedback I've received has been worthwhile to guide me in improving my writing. Problem is that they rate your articles up to the score of an "8"; I have received 7 out of 8 on three articles now and it's making me nuts. I've enrolled in their online university and powered through half a dozen courses already.
My friend jested "you've got a little extra testosterone in ya" and it may true although I think it's simply that competitive drive in me which is what got me through elementary, middle and high school with report cards that contained only As. A rating, i.e. grade, of 87.5% is NOT cutting it for me when I had a 4.2 grade point average upon exiting high school. What good was that academic scholarship to college if I can't even write a decent article for a news column that I'm begging people to read? I don't know if this can actually be labeled as "perfectionism" as I write with the goal of being cognizant of what I am imparting upon my readers; will it help them? will it enlighten? will it get them thinking so they at least have a starting point and some useful information to at least know where to begin searching for help?
Yeah well, Mr. Jacobs. He can get under my skin, mostly cause he knows exactly what he's talking about. Forget about all the professional athletes he's trained, forget that he's considered an expert in his field, he's got me pegged. Truth of the matter is I enjoy gaining knowledge, I consider it a successful day if I've learned something new but this, these ratings, these marks are a glaring indicator that I'm not perfect! Time for another slice of humble pie and to be open to constructive criticism.
I've reached out to my local Examiner mentor for assistance and/or links to more online courses, have Googled and searched and studied. I MUST conquer 8 out of 8. I must. But what for? Some self-indulgent goal?
I'm working as hard and as fast as I can to generate new sources of income as my cell phone is about to be turned off (damn Verizon apparently requires payment for the use of their service - go figure). Forget rent that's due in two weeks. I've got at least 500 things to stress over before that impending anxiety attack manifests, including paying the tailor to get my daughter's dress shortened in time for her pageant on Saturday with a ransom of twenty-five dollars and thirteen dollars to my name. *sigh* These are just distractions. If I stay focused the universe will take care of these worldly nuisances.
I keep thinking "something has to give, something is coming". I have publishers contacting me about writing a book and my reply is simply that it's "not in my budget" time-wise nor financially.
Taking on the assignment of Hollywood Autism & Parenting Examiner brought upon the realization that I'm still a perfectionist. Like a large mirror in a small lobby that you can't avoid, it hit me that I still want, need and obsess over these matters. I started freelance writing not quite a week ago and have submitted five articles on which the staff of the Examiner provides you feedback, for self-improvement purposes, but you also receive ratings. So far I'm doing pretty well and the feedback I've received has been worthwhile to guide me in improving my writing. Problem is that they rate your articles up to the score of an "8"; I have received 7 out of 8 on three articles now and it's making me nuts. I've enrolled in their online university and powered through half a dozen courses already.
My friend jested "you've got a little extra testosterone in ya" and it may true although I think it's simply that competitive drive in me which is what got me through elementary, middle and high school with report cards that contained only As. A rating, i.e. grade, of 87.5% is NOT cutting it for me when I had a 4.2 grade point average upon exiting high school. What good was that academic scholarship to college if I can't even write a decent article for a news column that I'm begging people to read? I don't know if this can actually be labeled as "perfectionism" as I write with the goal of being cognizant of what I am imparting upon my readers; will it help them? will it enlighten? will it get them thinking so they at least have a starting point and some useful information to at least know where to begin searching for help?
"You can't impart on others without gaining some lessons yourself." ~Todd Jacobs
Yeah well, Mr. Jacobs. He can get under my skin, mostly cause he knows exactly what he's talking about. Forget about all the professional athletes he's trained, forget that he's considered an expert in his field, he's got me pegged. Truth of the matter is I enjoy gaining knowledge, I consider it a successful day if I've learned something new but this, these ratings, these marks are a glaring indicator that I'm not perfect! Time for another slice of humble pie and to be open to constructive criticism.
I've reached out to my local Examiner mentor for assistance and/or links to more online courses, have Googled and searched and studied. I MUST conquer 8 out of 8. I must. But what for? Some self-indulgent goal?
I'm working as hard and as fast as I can to generate new sources of income as my cell phone is about to be turned off (damn Verizon apparently requires payment for the use of their service - go figure). Forget rent that's due in two weeks. I've got at least 500 things to stress over before that impending anxiety attack manifests, including paying the tailor to get my daughter's dress shortened in time for her pageant on Saturday with a ransom of twenty-five dollars and thirteen dollars to my name. *sigh* These are just distractions. If I stay focused the universe will take care of these worldly nuisances.
I keep thinking "something has to give, something is coming". I have publishers contacting me about writing a book and my reply is simply that it's "not in my budget" time-wise nor financially.
“Being stuck is a position few of us like. We want something new but cannot let go of the old - old ideas, beliefs, habits, even thoughts. We are out of contact with our own genius. Sometimes we know we are stuck; sometimes we don't. In both cases we have to DO something.”~ Rush Limbaugh
I'm gonna go be jovial on Facebook now which is also known as my workplace but first it's time for a good cry... "You've got to feel it to heal it." ~Todd Jacobs
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