"We do not remember days; we remember moments."~Cesare Pavese

"Once a neuro association ‘clicks’, it sticks. They are reinforced every time you recall them. Neuro associations can also alter your life projectory in negative ways and cut off future outcomes."
Quoted from Rejection Therapy

We all experience these in one form or another.  I was discussing this topic with a friend over the weekend and was asking, actually pleading, how to make them stop.  How does the song you chose for your wedding dance not muster up emotion? How does that déjà vu moment not take you back to an emotion from childhood? It could be the scent of a perfume, seeing a logo, a cartoon from your childhood; many things can trigger a neuro association.  For me, it's words. Words are powerful to me.  The words in my childhood that were spoken "how can someone so smart be so stupid?" took control of my psyche so early in my youth that it became my basis for my decisions like I was predestined for the life I have lived, the choices I've made for twenty plus years.


I notice when having conversations over the phone, which is probably my least favorite past-time, an emotion can be triggered so reflexively, so instantaneously, that it can change my mood in a literal flash.  This bothers me and I have spent a little time studying the topic of neuro associations to see if my technique of reading and gaining knowledge on an unknown topic could help me cope, deal or eliminate it from my life.

I guess there are times where neuro association can be good if pleasant feelings and memories are prompted, it just seems to me, that the negative feelings have a much stronger impact to take hold of your day.

What I have noticeably changed in myself is my responses and reactions to neuro associations. I am making a conscious effort NOT to associate and project back upon the person whose words have been spoken but to take a moment, back to "feel it to heal it", and really let the emotion sink in, think back to what was said to me at what point that triggers words to create such a strong emotional reaction in me.

Last night as I watched my daughter, while on stage, burst into tears my heart broke but I did not rush to her side immediately. I gave her a moment to purge her emotions.  I will not pass on to my children what I somehow learned which was to push those down. I did not tell her how to feel nor what to think; I just held her and let her cry it out.  I asked probing questions to get her to open up about what she might be feeling but I did not project onto her nor assume I knew why she was crying. I let her be sad, then angry, then disappointed, then talk it through. I listened and offered only my understanding.  I realize my children will develop their own neuro associations and there's not much I can do to stop that. I simply want to make sure they learn far younger than I did that emotions are to be felt, processed and purged.  Amazingly, she awoke this morning without another tear.

She spoke of her experience a bit more and I offered her that trying again is a good idea if that's something SHE would like to do.  By the end of the day, having spent it at her three year old cousin's birthday party, in lieu of mandatory obligations she would have been required to do had she been crowned, she said "You know there are benefits to NOT being Miss Teen ...I would have missed this..."  She inspires me with her wisdom and insight and is so ahead of me.

The EMDR therapy I went through truly helped me to get a grasp on my anxiety, process it and reassign positive messages in replacement of the old, die-hard thoughts I owned for most of my life. I am worthy of love, I am due respect, I am smart, my intuition is good.

"Emotions are your enemy. When you get into emotion you lose your mind." ~Bruce Lee

Now this quote actually contradicts exactly what I've been attempting to conquer. I have been burying my emotions for so long, hiding them so deep that I have suffered physically (strokes and shingles).  So let me re-read and think...  I think what I am finally grasping is that emotions MUST be felt - they exist for a reason.  The flight or fight response exists in all of us.  The true matter at hand is how you RESPOND or REACT to emotions. If I can stop, think and really grasp what triggered an emotion I will heal in time and not project onto others in the meantime, saving me from many mistakes I've made through the years.

I have conquered a few things this week: I have cried quite a bit. I have felt emotions that needed to be felt. I have reminisced and focused.  I have stopped myself from reacting. I taught my daughter that feeling emotions is okay.

"I have memories - but only a fool stores his past in the future."~David Gerrold