Para...normal?

"You struggle with your demons and you conquer them."
~Kinky Friedman

Ghosts. Demons. Angels.  If you believe in one I don't know how you don't believe in them all.

I may have demons, figurative and literal ones, but they do not scare me.  I live peacefully with them and go about my daily business.

Whatever it is that's attached itself to me isn't here to hurt me and I've come to terms with that.  So why is it so hard for me to find that type of peace in my physical, temporal life here and now? Is everyone that I can physically see out to hurt me?  I'm not afraid of the ghosts, so why am I so afraid of someone standing right in front of me?

Some refer to demons as issues. I have written about this before and I know my issues and don't need them pointed out to me, repeatedly, by anyone who barely knows me (by anyone other than my best friend that is) but when you end yet another Dear John letter with these words, you know this isn't about your own demons:

"...because ultimately I know I deserve respect, awe and admiration and seek to reciprocate that with the man in my life.   Yes, I'm looking for the one and the one won't speak out of both sides of his neck.  He'll know. He'll be sure."

This is when I came to the realization that I've changed. That I have in fact conquered my demons. That the therapy I invested in worked. That I finally not only realize but know with all of my heart that I deserve better.

Over this weekend I said "maybe I needed one more jerk to make me realize that I am worthy of awe, respect and admiration? Maybe I just needed one last reminder of the old me I'm leaving behind...?"

It's so very unlike me, but I'm going to leave this blog without delving too much into the adventure I am about to embark upon.  Decisions that have been made and choices to risk myself greatly, emotionally.

The juxtaposition of the last month prompted me to write this quote:

What if someone is watching you? And maybe that someone is real?  What if someone, instead of judging and provoking you, wants to spend their time investing in something they've seen for a long time and you're just letting yourself see in the mirror?

What if...?

What if someone wants to sweep you off your feet? And not just you, but everything you care for? What if someone is brave and bold enough to state the truth?  What if someone sets aside their demons to take on the challenge of yours?

What if someone real has absolutely no intent to hurt you?

I've lived peacefully with my demons for some time now. I think it's time to venture out back into this world and allow someone worthy into my life.  Especially someone who can't sing worth a darn, yet ventures out to serenade you...

"If you don't take risks, you'll have a wasted soul." ~Drew Barrymore




Cuts like anguish or recollections
Of better days gone by but it's all right

When you're all in pain and you feel the rain come down
Oh, it's all right

When you find your way then you see it disappear
Oh, it's all right

Though your garden's gray I know all your graces
Someday will flower in the sweet sun shower