"Imagine if you had the power to read minds?" Pondered my youngest son this morning on the way back from an audition in LA in his never ending quest to discover how to alter his DNA in order to become a superhero.
My youngest came to me with an inquisitive mind, thoughtful yet at times provoking, usually exhausting, perfectly tempered with a sense of humor beyond his years mixed with a sweet and sensitive nature. He finds pure joy in making me smile with "mom is THIS funny?" antics. I have said many times "God sent me this one to make sure I laughed every single day." I was his first audience and all of his material is still tested on me. All three of my kids are kind, generous and (usually) thoughtful; each quite bright, ambitious and gifted with their own, individual talents. Each fill my heart with pride daily even when we're all at our worst. I go to bed most nights knowing that I'm a good mom and my take on parenting is "if you're not crying at the end of each day you're not doing it right."
"Youth is wasted on the young".~ George Bernard Shaw
The imagination of children is something to appreciate and admire, and admittedly, most of us envy our children's minds because they are full of innocence, purity with a genuine search for guidance and knowledge. I don't agree with Mr. Shaw although I've heard plenty use this quote, possibly projecting their own regrets, but I don't buy it. I think, maybe, we have the opportunity to revisit open-mindedness through the youth in our lives.
"A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams."- John Barrymore
I think Mr. Barrymore is a little more accurate because isn't aging (besides the wear and tear on our bodies) the most beautiful thing? We have obtained the gifts of wisdom from trials and tribulations which we can then share with our youth. At 42 I can now fully appreciate the pain I put my own parents through. I ache at times from the inability to transfer my experiences onto my children to help them prevent sometimes painful lessons. The best thing one can offer to a young person in their life is to hear them with an open mind and soft heart.
One of my favorite cliches, as vulgar as it may be, "Opinions are like assholes..." Yep, Yep. Everybody's got one and those opinions are formed through our life experiences, our religions, our upbringings, and our personal knowledge base. I am humble enough to know I'll never stop learning nor do I ever want to. My mind is my most valuable asset and I treasure the opportunity of reading, writing, consuming and gaining knowledge every day; some useless knowledge (like how bobbleheads are manufactured) to becoming my children's therapist and advocate when they were little (I know more than I'd ever planned about education law codes) to animal welfare and advocacy (which is that subject I seem incapable of shutting up about so don't ever get me started).
A discussion opened up due a friend's Facebook status yesterday regarding pageantry and parenting. I'm always open for intelligent banter and debate so I joined in (this is just a portion of the 83 comment thread):
"Insulting to their intelligence." Yes, children are intelligent creatures, if not knowledgeable yet or full of years of gained intellect, there is the matter of emotional intelligence. Emotional Intelligence refers to the ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions. I value my children's emotions, opinions and decisions. I am here as their guide to help them write their 'pros and cons' lists (I love saving these and have a Rubbermaid full) and comfort them during disappointments if the decisions they choose are not full of the results that they'd hoped for.
In my home I have a wall hanging that says "Believe" and I awake to this every morning and bought it after my first divorce. It hangs in a main thoroughfare in our tiny home and I hope my kids glance at it as often as I do. My most recent ex commented on this hanging when we shared a home together and told me that his family had a wall hanging that said "Stifle it!" I felt sad and thought how wrong that was but I've come to learn that most people don't think as deeply as I do about raising children (well my friends do which is why they're my friends); to see something like that every day, day after day as it sinks in to the depths of your psyche. The things we choose to expose our children to DO matter so I shared this poem with him which he claimed he'd never heard then showed him the book by the same author that I'd had in my library since my children were born. He was in tears by the time I was finished reading.
I am far from a perfect mother. Some days I question whether I'm even a good mother when I permit my self-doubt to creep in after a particularly difficult day where personalities and moods clashed in our home. My plans for my children did not include being a poor, single mother who had to work to provide for them on top of the constant pursuit of their dreams, goals and passions. I apologize often and my only hope is that they leave my care when their time comes to take the leap on their own pursuits knowing that I loved them and did the best I could.
I didn't have an intelligent answer to my son's seemingly rhetorical
question this morning but I did ponder it too. What IF we could read people's minds...
the only answer that my mind mustered up but I would never share nor burden my children with was the thought that "if I could read minds then think of all the heartache and pain I
would have avoided in my life."
(I wanted to add Whitney Houston's rendition of the song "I Believe The Children Are Our Future" but that seemed like downright overkill.)
My youngest came to me with an inquisitive mind, thoughtful yet at times provoking, usually exhausting, perfectly tempered with a sense of humor beyond his years mixed with a sweet and sensitive nature. He finds pure joy in making me smile with "mom is THIS funny?" antics. I have said many times "God sent me this one to make sure I laughed every single day." I was his first audience and all of his material is still tested on me. All three of my kids are kind, generous and (usually) thoughtful; each quite bright, ambitious and gifted with their own, individual talents. Each fill my heart with pride daily even when we're all at our worst. I go to bed most nights knowing that I'm a good mom and my take on parenting is "if you're not crying at the end of each day you're not doing it right."
"Youth is wasted on the young".~ George Bernard Shaw
The imagination of children is something to appreciate and admire, and admittedly, most of us envy our children's minds because they are full of innocence, purity with a genuine search for guidance and knowledge. I don't agree with Mr. Shaw although I've heard plenty use this quote, possibly projecting their own regrets, but I don't buy it. I think, maybe, we have the opportunity to revisit open-mindedness through the youth in our lives.
"A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams."- John Barrymore
I think Mr. Barrymore is a little more accurate because isn't aging (besides the wear and tear on our bodies) the most beautiful thing? We have obtained the gifts of wisdom from trials and tribulations which we can then share with our youth. At 42 I can now fully appreciate the pain I put my own parents through. I ache at times from the inability to transfer my experiences onto my children to help them prevent sometimes painful lessons. The best thing one can offer to a young person in their life is to hear them with an open mind and soft heart.
A discussion opened up due a friend's Facebook status yesterday regarding pageantry and parenting. I'm always open for intelligent banter and debate so I joined in (this is just a portion of the 83 comment thread):
C
So here's a question for you Julie would you support ANYTHING your child wanted to do as a profession?? Let's say it was something that you feel maybe not everyone else but you personally felt could or would be dangerous or detrimuental to your childs health. But their lik I really wanna do it you'd be ok with that?
48 minutes ago ·
Julie
Give me an example? That's too broad of a question. Be a firefighter? Serve our country? The next Jackass? Dirt bike rider?
He is now 10 and "loves modeling" but there are days he does not want to go to LA. If it's an audition I tell his manager we're going to pass and respect his choice; if it's work, he has to go and explain to him the commitment he's made. At this age, it's no different than playing on a sports team and I'd make my kid show up for that too.
47 minutes ago · ·
1
C
It not to broad think of something you wouldn't want your child doing and he came to you and said mom this is what I wanna do. Now mind you hes only you 10 right so I'm not talking 15 or older let's say.
44 minutes ago ·
Julie
If he wanted to be a porn star, I'd suggest he consider a different profession. There ya go.
43 minutes ago · · 1
Julie
If he wanted to be hit man, I'd explain to him the consequences of that choice.
42 minutes ago · · 1
The banter continued and I had to be somewhere, I'd had my fun but if you know me, I've always got to get in my parting shot.
JulieThey're gonna do whatever they want come 18. So if they want to be porn stars I'll tell them to just strive to be the BEST they can be ;)
35 minutes ago · · 1
CI don't agree with that Julie, until my child is of age to make qaulified decsions on their own I have a right to choose what my child can and cannot do
32 minutes ago ·
JulieThat's insulting to their intelligence. Good luck with that :(
30 minutes ago · · 1
"Insulting to their intelligence." Yes, children are intelligent creatures, if not knowledgeable yet or full of years of gained intellect, there is the matter of emotional intelligence. Emotional Intelligence refers to the ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions. I value my children's emotions, opinions and decisions. I am here as their guide to help them write their 'pros and cons' lists (I love saving these and have a Rubbermaid full) and comfort them during disappointments if the decisions they choose are not full of the results that they'd hoped for.
In my home I have a wall hanging that says "Believe" and I awake to this every morning and bought it after my first divorce. It hangs in a main thoroughfare in our tiny home and I hope my kids glance at it as often as I do. My most recent ex commented on this hanging when we shared a home together and told me that his family had a wall hanging that said "Stifle it!" I felt sad and thought how wrong that was but I've come to learn that most people don't think as deeply as I do about raising children (well my friends do which is why they're my friends); to see something like that every day, day after day as it sinks in to the depths of your psyche. The things we choose to expose our children to DO matter so I shared this poem with him which he claimed he'd never heard then showed him the book by the same author that I'd had in my library since my children were born. He was in tears by the time I was finished reading.
"Children Learn What They Live" by Dorothy Law Nolte (1924 - 2005)
If children live with criticism,
they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility,
they learn to fight.
If children live with fear,
they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity,
they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule,
they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy,
they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame,
they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement,
they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance,
they learn patience.
If children live with praise,
they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance,
they learn to love.
If children live with approval,
they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition,
they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing,
they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty,
they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness,
they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration,
they learn respect.
If children live with security,
they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness,
they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility,
they learn to fight.
If children live with fear,
they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity,
they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule,
they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy,
they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame,
they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement,
they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance,
they learn patience.
If children live with praise,
they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance,
they learn to love.
If children live with approval,
they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition,
they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing,
they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty,
they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness,
they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration,
they learn respect.
If children live with security,
they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness,
they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
I am far from a perfect mother. Some days I question whether I'm even a good mother when I permit my self-doubt to creep in after a particularly difficult day where personalities and moods clashed in our home. My plans for my children did not include being a poor, single mother who had to work to provide for them on top of the constant pursuit of their dreams, goals and passions. I apologize often and my only hope is that they leave my care when their time comes to take the leap on their own pursuits knowing that I loved them and did the best I could.
(I wanted to add Whitney Houston's rendition of the song "I Believe The Children Are Our Future" but that seemed like downright overkill.)
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