Cou-de-pied, Calcium, and Cursing

I had to make my blog private the other day because of some legal documents I signed so I will tread lightly yet can't cut off the sanity I've gained by using this mode of communication as a much needed and healthy cathartic tool.




I haven't taken a ballet class in twenty years and I was never very talented at this form of dance other than the fact that I have been naturally blessed with good "turn out" aka double-jointed hips. I have been instructed to increase my weight bearing exercise cause my daily push-ups, sit ups, walks and other Mom's Gym activities are not going to suffice in staving off this osteoporosis.  Yes, my latest blow.  Throughout my thoracic spine.  This blow comes right on top of the discovery of scoliosis in my neck.  So my choices are 1) join a gym, 2) buy some weights, 3) yoga classes or 4) ballet class. I can't afford the gym membership I had just looked into right before the night that put a major glitch in my life plans; I live in 900 square feet - I need things going OUT not IN; the arthritis in my wrists makes yoga classes simply miserable (yes, I've already tried this route) so ballet it is.  Now where is that forty-eight bucks a month going to come from?  That's a problem for another day.

In the meantime a general calcium-mineral supplement has been added to my daily diet as of yesterday with the intent to make deposits in my "calcium bank" before menopause hits.  How many can I take each day?  All those years of banning milk from my home are apparently catching up to me.  I still refuse to drink it - I'd rather swallow a pill, thanks.

This is where you might suspect I'm going to begin discussing my trucker mouth, but no, no I'm not. 

Quite frankly, I have had a completely open mind since.... well, that day, although I've always been fairly open-minded to many subject matters.  I have some strong opinions that are based in my personal morals, ethics and values, but I truly keep my mind open to many possibilities when it comes to the purpose of life, trials, tribulations, spirituality and yes, the ethereal.

I anxiously await my turn on a long waiting list, as I continue to visit the doctors' appointments and remain patient for the outcome of my fate that was recently twisted.  I've been given just enough information to send my mind reeling, to begin the search for as much information as I can find and read, read and read some more since I suffer from insomnia anyway.

I sat last night, after an extremely busy week - busier than usual yes, with twin middle schoolers' end of the year activities, 8th grade promotions, IEP meeting, job interviews, car searching and so on... I realize that two week pause without a vehicle may have been in preparation of what my near future had in store for me.  I got to enjoy my walks with my boy, get out of the house physically AND mentally and glimpsed in the mirror yesterday and, much to my surprise, I saw something that resembled a butt.  Good God, my butt is coming back!


So as I was catching up on messages and comments and doing my best to keep up, the message I opened left me stunned and paralyzed for a moment.  Unfortunately there's not much I can do at this point. I will not panic. I will not break down.  I just have to be patient and wait for more information.  The only thing I feel comfortable sharing at this point and I don't intend to be a tease is this message (of mine) that I returned once learning from a complete stranger who had NO WAY of knowing anything about my history told me something that left me with goosebumps:

"I have been baptized twice - once as an infant, then by full submersion at 19. I have been given my Patriarchal Blessing but have misplaced the document that is handed to you at that time. Been blessed many times as well, including having my last home blessed, as well as "the room", the kids and myself."

This was all I could find, so far in my search, which included opening up my scriptures:

"It is as simple as this; if the demons have a right to remain before God because of a curse, you will not be able to cast them out or, if you do, they will be able to come back and re-enter the person."

I've been wracking my brain since.  Why then?  What did I DO? Whom did I inspire such hatred and envy in?  This is far beyond Karma.

I prayed last night for the first time in too long. I prayed for myself, for others and for understanding but mostly prayed for protection of my children, my family and my home. I refuse to be scared. I can't have gained all this strength for nothing.

“Be careful what you wish for. I know that for a fact. Wishes are brutal, unforgiving things. They burn your tongue the moment they're spoken and you can never take them back.”
― Alice Hoffman

To be continued...