Half-truths and Haikus

a slip of the tongue

backhanded compliments are

best left unspoken

A backhanded compliment, also known as asteism, is an insult that is disguised as a compliment. Sometimes, a backhanded compliment may be inadvertent. However, the term usually connotes an intent to belittle or condescend. A backhanded compliment may fool the listener, but the compliment remains "backhanded" because the speaker is being intentionally slighting and insulting.

• "You're smarter than you look."
• "You drive very well, for a woman."
• "I didn't recognize you; you look so good."

the intent is known

the result of it lingers

what point is your goal?

sar·casm n.

1. A cutting, often ironic remark intended to wound.

2. A form of wit that is marked by the use of sarcastic language and is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule.

3. mocking, contemptuous, or ironic language intended to convey scorn or insult

If someone intends to be facetious or witty, those work as they often require a certain level of intellect. I often think people confuse the terms but have lazily become comfortable with the use of the word "sarcasm."  If you really think about it, saying "I'm being sarcastic" might as well translate to "I like being an asshole."

your subtle intent

accompany your words then

become about you

Passive–aggressive behavior is an umbrella term describing certain types of behavior in interpersonal interactions. It is characterized by an obstructionist or hostile manner that indicates aggression, or, in more general terms, expressing aggression in non-assertive, subtle (i.e. passive or indirect) ways. It can be seen in some cases as a personality trait or disorder marked by a pervasive pattern of negative attitudes and passive, usually disavowed, resistance in interpersonal or occupational situations.

Passive aggressive behavior can manifest itself as learned helplessness, procrastination, hostility masquerading as jokes, stubbornness, resentment, sullenness, or deliberate/repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible.


I had to check to see if I'd written about this topic before and can't see that I have.  Really, when I think of these things, it essentially describes my first husband. No, no, not the sociopath. This is my first husband, the kids' dad, the narcissist.  I could give dozens of examples from my marriage of eleven years to that man, but what's the point?  All I can do now is be thankful it's part of my past and attempt not to repeat mistakes I've learned from in my future.

Thanks to PsychCentral.com:

"At the core of extreme narcissism is egotistical preoccupation with self, personal preferences, aspirations, needs, success, and how he/she is perceived by others. Some amount of basic narcissism is healthy...

"Extreme narcissists tend to be persons who move towards eventually cutting others off and becoming emotionally isolated. There are all types of levels on that road to isolation. Narcissists come in all shapes, sizes, and degrees.

"Narcissism, in lay terms, basically means that a person is totally absorbed in self. The extreme narcissist is the center of his own universe. To an extreme narcissist, people are things to be used. It usually starts with a significant emotional wound or a series of them culminating in a major trauma of separation/attachment. No matter how socially skilled an extreme narcissist is, he has a major attachment dysfunction. The extreme narcissist is frozen in childhood."

Or in more simple terms: 




What I have had to learn, and process, and consume is to understand that none of these words, none of these criticisms, none of this anger and covert aggression was about me.  It really wasn't. 

If only I'd known that then.

I swore I was a sociopath magnet, but sometimes a girl has to admit when she's wrong.  I spent last summer analyzing handwriting samples of men I was dating after reading a book (five times).  Maybe this year I just need to create a bitly link and ask any future suitors to take this quiz?


Enough about men I find myself repeatedly attracted to, let's talk about me.  Or the text I got from my mom.  What I didn't post on Facebook was the conversation that lead up to this post:

Going back to my favorite saying "you've got to feel it to heal it," I agree but I'm in the midst of a weird range of emotions today mostly consumed by ambivalence.  I cannot complain considering I took the leap (mostly a risky financial leap) and quit my job a week and a half ago.  But I know that things could be worse. My angst inside is from needing to make a decision on which way to take my career (for lack of a better description).  So what does a girl do?  Call her mom.  I talked to her about the job offers in front of me, told her the risks, pay, the little bit of work it will take to secure my college transcripts then I bottom lined it with a text:  "Need to figure out which one is best for the kids." That's what prompted my mom's simple text that filled my eyes with tears to know that she is proud of what I've become; what I will become.

We had a fun opportunity thanks to a school project Luke had to complete to interview my parents; well Luke did.  He sat down, using Skype, and asked my folks some questions about their traditions, ancestry and upbringings.  My favorite line out of this project was from my mom when asked "what did you do when you were a kid my age?"  My mom said "I was a cowgirl."

When I was a girl

 I believed the things they said to

me now I know best

 
“Is anything truly impossible? Or is it that the path to our goals appears too unclear to follow? It seems to me that if you seek hard enough, pray hard enough, you usually stumble across a scattering of breadcrumbs that marks the trail leading to the goal you once considered beyond your reach.” ~Richelle E. Goodrich


To be continued....